New Beginnings

As some of you have read, I reconnected with my biological father a few hours ago.

I've heard stories from my mom, before she passed, and stories from my grandmother about why I don't know my father or anything of that nature.

I will say this. Since I don't have my mom or my lola to talk about this, to verify information, I'm started with a clean slate. I'm going to allow him to prove them wrong.

Let's be honest. In my 30 years, the term "family values" hasn't exactly held the same definition amongst my family. From finding out who my real grandmother is, to learning that the cousin I grew up with is really my Aunt, to finally reconnecting with my dad.

Ever since my mom died, I felt like there was a part of me that I don't know. Where I came from, who my family is, etc.

I'm too old for grudges, and being selfish. Right now, I'm glad to know that my kids have a grandfather, especially since my mom is not here. They are my life and it killed me to know that they don't have grandparents on my side of their family. But now my dad is here. Now, I don't have to say that anymore.

While he's in the Philippines, he's never been far from my mind. Ever since my mother passed away, I've been looking for him.

It's a day of new starts. I am going to let him answer my questions and hope and pray that from this forward, this will be a good relationship.

I've never really had a father. I've had good a father figure (Chuck) and even though we butted heads a lot a good mother figure (Mel) - but it's not the same as having your real parents. Growing up I had always wondered why he didn't want me after my mom died. But as an adult, I understand the liability that the state had as I was a ward of the state.

I don't know if I went through failed relationships because I was seeking what I didn't have, but I know this much...with all of the bullshit I've been dealt in my life, I'm now in control.

If he doesn't pan out to be much, at least I know where he is, that he's alive and healthy, and he never stopped loving me.

I can't imagine what he went through, going to visit my mother and myself to learn that we had left the Philippines for the US. I can't imagine the hurt and pain that caused. To know that my mom's family did everything possible to keep him out of our lives, only because they wanted my mom to marry an American and settle here.

I often imagined what life would be life had I never left the Philippines. But what I do know is that I have siblings in the PI, and family there still.

I can't wait to talk to him some more.

i can finally say, Dad, and it really be him and not someone else, (no offense Chuck).

This is one of those lifetime movies and crap........

i just talked to the kids about it and they are so full of questions, too. Needless to say, we're all excited.

It's a lot to take in, but I'm going to go in with an open mind and my huge heart.